a poem a day to keep the meltdown away

WARNING: i hate poetry. i should say i hate to read other peoples poetry. i always say “poetry is only good to the people that wrote it”. poems turned into songs is different but pure poetry with it’s trying to hard to be artsy and strange and engimatic, fake cryptic vulnerable shit, how everyone reads it with the same annoying cadence, the stigma, the scene – nope, not for me. and that’s why i’m doing this – because to write it is therapeutic and a low pressure way to express myself in a way only I can ever truly appreciate. please don’t enjoy! dont even read it! but write your own instead! 🙂

5/1/20

“kiddie pool”

when the sun is out
it’s like i get a whole other room added to the house
how many bags of sand
would it take to make this yard
feel like HANA-BI
the beach in italy
where we would love most to be
grapefruit kiddie pool
buckets of dried mango
a sandwich on a white plate
look how the sun hits the tomato
and the mozzarella
and my skin
i want to be melting
in the dark room
where every minute of life
is photographable


4/24/20

“bald lil wayne”

yeah, there is a light
but the tunnel keeps growing
for me it’s the rug out from under
for others it’s a
minor inconvenience
how many mid 20’s girls
in dad jeans, with the big windows
and the typewriter, and the ditzy sheets
who get unwelcome anxiety in their chest
everytime they see the guy that cleans the lobby
that looks like a bald lil wayne
are saying :
“finally got my whole life together
just to let some weather
take the whole thing apart”
the surface part of me
wants to whine and tantrum and hang my head so low my forehead touches the ground,
accidental yoga pose
but the me up on the ladder, the kid inside my “Adult” body is more like,
“who are we fooling
thinking we have anything under control
or that anything is ours, really
we just get to enjoy shit
for as long as is determined”
i just can’t wait to complain
about everything i miss right now

4/16/20

“recyclebulls”

friends
enter
disperse
return
if there was string between us
all kinds of shit
would be messy and tangled
figure 8’ing round the globe
maybe get thought of
if they log in to facebook
once in a pink moon
standing under a famous monument
at sunset
and by chance
boom, facebook notification
says “it’s (that old friends name here)’s birthday
“oh yah i got time to say something
textbook
on your wall”
i reply
“thank you
talk to you this same time
next year”
that reminds me –
how come the truck hasn’t come to
pick up the recyclables this month?

4/15/2020

“tax”

iojwfoiwjfiowjfiowjfoiwfjiwefmwgwefwehfuewhfuhcbsjvsldflwidfw

4/12/2020

“best. ant. ever.”

woke up this morning
4:48AM
to the ants having a party
in the syrup bottle on the kitchen windowsill
actually it was a honey jar
but that sounded too
old-timey
and this is 2020
april 13th to be exact
already excited
about now being in hindsight
maybe have my own party with a few hundred strangers
at the empty bottle, or the bug jar
or brooklyn bowl, or ace of cups
or some venue that works with the theme above
of a kitchen container
really im just an ant
best one ever

4/12/2020

“does genuine scare you”

its so easy
to focus on what is not there
why ?
you would think
it would be easier to focus on what is there
because it is there
it is real
it is what is
but why instead 
are the absent voices of
the people you dont ever hear from
louder than the ones that are
actually speaking thinking trying
to love you
this is not a condition
it is a temporary cloud
but why does it ever happen
at all
are my wires tangled?
i have genuine care
does that scare you
or is there something about me
i am not seeing
it would be so sick
to get a random call
from someone that points out to me what everyone else sees
so i can understand 
how i am perceived
but until then
all i can do is not care
what anyone sees
that is free
long as it works for me

4/11/2020

“size”

whoops, missed a few days
did they even happen?
yellow mugs, dishes, bowls
stack them in a mountain
climb it to see out the window
oh its the backyard
if i was smaller
like way smaller
like 1/2 inch tall
my house would be a whole different universe
the living room and bedroom would be different countries
it would take me hours to walk between them
or i could hop a ride on an ant or some other critter
the books on my shelf would be buildings and skyscrapers
the sink would be the ocean
my first coffee that i live for these days
would be a hot tub filled with questionable, dirty water
my love would be a god giant
i would have to build all new tiny stuff
and the idea i have about the world outside
would be in here now
and in this way, size
does matter

4/6/2020

“ginjo”

pollen in my hair
one look at you
i do not care
about whats happening
sinister prime minster
served up medium rare
citrus on the shower curtain
reading the first bad man
maybe we will be free by July
that or it is just a lie
i tell myself to stay sunshine
i remember riding bikes
well just one bike 
i was riding bike
and we were apart for two months then
i was basically imprisoned
where i am now again
but it felt different
like one of those times where there was nothing
in the universe so wide
that could make me feel better

4/4/2020

“that first cup”

god, how did i ever doubt you?
i put my phat face into the beans
heaven
i live for this
i go to bed for this
i wake for this
i have no interest
in giving this up
i dont care how it makes me feel
those days are over, bb
every city i go to
i realize my excitement stems
from having that first cup
in a new place
all these tall buildings and people just props
hello london, LA
amsterdam, my kitchen
give me your six dollar chemistry set shit
and a reclaimed wood seat in the sun
if i get 22k more of these
once per day
i lived a good life
the best part of waking up
is that first non-folgers cup

4/3/2020

“young grandpa”

ok why are you sitting like that?
please get comfortable
in the chair
in your skin
i dont care
just take a second
well be here for a while
until god close shop
i watch you young grandpa
filling every inch of your continent
turning up 10 db on your controversial consants
well i vow to chase that same space in the painting
i appreciate your honesty
times up
ill see you when this is all over

4/2/2020

somebody
please let mybody
be
everyday a battle
just to have quiet
free from the judge
free from the love
i just want to be quiet right now
no its not about you
let me go through it
without concern
or judgment
i’m not trying to bringing you into it
recognize
because it is in disguise
fear of unknown
we can never know the inside

4/1/20

“i would kill to be gentle”

all the “bad” emotions
are always swimming in me, 
It’s when I stay distracted
oblivious
They gather
And fuck like rabbits
100 instant births
Piece together
it’s my monster
bloody
I have one second to choose
react or walk away
I want to walk away 
For a few minutes
So you don’t want to walk away forever
I would kill to be gentle
But this is my masterwork
started by my makers,
dinosaur chicken nuggets
handed this work down to me

and if it take a day off from chiseling away at this monster
i might wake up and find that it is in control




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